Jeff Writes

This is the manuscript of the message I preached at my friends’ wedding on August 21st, 2010.

It is my joy to welcome you all on behalf of the Anderson and Galis families. Please be seated.

What a happy day. This is a day which you, Greg and Denise, have looked forward to and worked toward since your engagement for what I know very well have seemed like the longest months of your lives. The wait is almost over. It is time for this marriage to happen. But here in these last moments of ceremony, would you take the opportunity you have right now to think back and bring to remembrance all that your engagement has been up to this point.

There was the initiation… when Greg proposed. There was the examination of counseling from each other and your community. There was the preparation when you readied your lives to share the same space, finances, and family name. Above all, there has been the anticipation, the desire to lay aside old things and take up what is new. And just to be thorough, I will point out that we have reached the point of perspiration, but right now it’s the anticipation that I really want you to think about.

Anticipation.

Greg, you have desired the beautiful woman standing next to you – And Denise, you have desired the strong man standing next to you – for a very long time. Of course, neither of you knew for most of that time that you would be here next to the exact person you are next to right now. But you both desired marriage – a husband, a wife – and I tell you, that desire in each of you is good. In fact, I have it on high authority that it is very good.

But for so long, that desire did not always feel very good. No. Your desire for marriage and the things that desire has lead you to do have brought many disappointments and sometimes even deep anger. You have been denied what you thought you most wanted. You have been enticed by what you knew you didn’t want. It’s easy for someone to look at this scene now, all made up nice, and say “Yes! Your desire to become husband and wife is very good!” But who could have looked you in the eye and said the same in years past, when you chased this exact same desire, but it didn’t lead to anything so… picture perfect.

Then, Greg met Denise. We all waited patiently for Greg to recalibrate his altimeter and figure out just how far above his ceiling he was actually flying. And once his situation became clear to him, Greg acted decisively, knowing that the opportunity was sure to be brief. He proposed, and Denise, being the wise woman she is, said yes. Thus, engagement began.

All that earlier disappointment, all that previous frustration… haven’t seen it since, have you? Yes you have. Yes you have. In fact, I think it would be fair to say that engagement was more difficult than the time before. You were tested in profound ways. Disappointment. Anger. It has all remained and even come in more personal, more painful ways than it had in the past, but would you agree that, though engagement was not easier than before, it was much better than before? Isn’t it much better to struggle against the brokenness around you and inside of you when you know what the outcome will be? Yes it is. That’s how desires work, that’s how anticipation works, it is based on the certainty of what you desire.

Engagement is better than the time before. It is much better to fuel your strength with the certainty of what you desire than it is to try to fuel your desire with the uncertainty of your own strength. One compels you beyond yourself, connecting you to something which transcends your situation. The other leaves you alone, relying on yourself to satisfy yourself.

The experiences of pain and brokenness did not go away when you got engaged, but something did change. Whereas before you were struggling to have anticipation because nothing was certain, in engagement, your anticipation, speaking in an earthly-marital sense, had the certainty it needed to carry you through the difficult times.

Anticipation is a basic need of the soul, but you cannot have it without certainty. Your engagement has been the time in your relationship most defined by anticipation, based on the certainty of a promise.

Now, In a few minutes, when you have entered this covenant, what will become of your anticipation? “I am anticipating tonight!” you say. Yes, yes, I know. But if the anticipation driving your life begins and ends with each other, you know it will ultimately be disappointed. Years will pass, and the little disappointments will erode your certainty in each other. Will there remain a deeper, enduring certainty that cannot be broken? In the face of disease, in the face of poverty, in the face of the ugliness in your own heart, will you still be able to say, “I cannot wait for what is coming!”?

If there was such a certainty in you that could give super-human endurance for this life-long covenant, what would that certainty be? Let me tell you it cannot be certainty in me or in anything I can offer as a friend or pastor. It cannot be certainty in any of these other friends and family gathered with us. It cannot be certainty in each other, and you know it cannot be certainty in yourself because you have disappointed yourself more than anybody else in your life. Where, then, can you find this kind of certainty? There’s a simple answer. You can’t. You can’t find it, but it can be given to you.

According to God’s great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. (1 Peter 1:3b-5 ESV)

There’s your certainty. Do you believe it? Do you anticipate it?

If anyone gathered with us today is not a Christian, I am so glad that you are here. And if what I just said sounds completely crazy to you – if being born again sounds like something off the Jesus channel on television, and if resurrection from the dead sounds like backwater superstition, would you come talk to me after this ceremony? You won’t be interrupting or keeping me from anything more important than the conversation we could have. It would simply be my great pleasure to meet you.

Greg, Denise, may your marriage be marked by anticipation, by what the Bible calls “a living hope,” for what you know is certain. May you always have a purposeful drivenness about you. May your life together be described, not by the word caution, but by the word conviction.

Denise, you are called by your Creator to respect your husband, to put yourself into the place of weakness, even when – especially when – Greg is only loving himself. You are called to help Greg according to the vision God gives him for your family, even when – especially when – he is living without vision. You are called to carry yourself with a quiet and gentle spirit, for that is the character of a woman who seeks to please God rather than men. May God give you the strength to do so.

Greg, you are called by your Creator to love your wife, to carry her burdens as diligently as if they were your own, even when – especially when – Denise is only respecting herself. You are called to lead Denise according to the Word of God, even when – especially when – Denise is filled with her own words. You are called to be a man who values truth above everything else, for that is the character of a man who seeks to please God rather than men. May God give you the strength to do so.